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Putting Pressure On Iran

From The Onion: America's Finest News Source

The White House is looking at deterring the Iranian nuclear program with new sanctions. What measures have been proposed?

• Cutting off two-thirds of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's name any time he is mentioned in the press
• Revoking the country's membership in the axis of evil
• Ceasing production of monogrammed "U.S. & Iran: A Perfect Match" matchbooks
• Miss America not including Iran on world tour
• Jesse Jackson to be sent, without an interpreter, to negotiate
• Copyrighting the phrase "The Great Satan" and suing Iran every time it is used to refer to U.S.
• Putting restrictions on how much Iran is allowed to hate the U.S. at any given moment
• Will stop selling them uranium